KaoCHO's Wonders on Life (05)

Have you ever wondered how words are actually hard to say? Okay, maybe not say. But they are pretty hard to control.

For example, one person gets pissed off, it'll be hard for him to say non-offending or mean words. 'GO AWAY! SHADDUP YOU EFFIN IDIOT! JUST GO DIE!' Like that.. :P

Words are just words, someone told me. But for me, they may be JUST words, but I'd say it with my real feelings. If I was to be a person to just say words without any feeling in it, then yes, those words may just be words. But for me, why say it when it's just words? Not feelings?

Anger is just one of it. What if you felt sad, you have nothing to say, because you feel as if you might just cry if you did. If something happened, some people would think, 'Oh, hell with it.. I don't care..' or some would think, 'aahhh.. it's all my fault!'

But main issues for me is what to say to comfort someone. I don't want to be someone to make it worst, but by saying nothing is just as bad, because I would honestly feel worthless and useless. 'What do I do... What do I say..' I would be worrying about that.

Words may also have a big impact on people. Like from my previous blog, if a friend were to say, 'It seems that my feelings don't matter to you', you'd be shocked, and scared. 'Have I been selfish all this time..?' one would think. What if you were to say, 'I honestly don't care about who you like now' to a friend, it would hurt them to know as she or he would think, 'maybe he doesn't care about me..'

But keep in mind, words without feelings may also hurt. 'No one cares~' Someone might just sing to you. But those words get stuck in your mind, and you will start to think that no one cares.

And for one, words may heal your wounds. ^^ A long letter filled with your feelings, may move someone. You could actually think of words that was able to cheer him or her up!

So from what I think, words may just be words. But they're very strong. :3 So, try not to say irrelevant stuff.

Buuuut, this is just what I THINK, doesn't necessarily means it's true for everyone!

KaoCHO's Series of Confessions (03)

People come and people go; but who actually keeps coming back?

No one is expected to stay by your side forever. And maybe, your close one would have to go. It was never easy to let them go, but you have to anyway.

But I have this weird luck where, everyone around me comes, and when they go, it's usually at the same time. During my time on DOMO, I had quite a few friends who I was close to, and we chatted everytime. ^^ It was fun, but it never lasted long.

I had to do something as stupid as to tell the guild officer about my friend (Ish) leaving to make his own. Then he just left, deleted me, put me on black list. It really broke my heart when he said to me, 'Well, it seems as if my feelings don't matter to you.' I wasn't expecting that, and all I did was stood there, with tears in my eyes. '....why did I do that...' was what I was thinking for days. Someone, Renn, just kicked the spirits back into me, also with the help of Pheo. I was fine, well.. I kept saying I was fine.

Until one day, Renn told me how confused I was, and how indecisive I became. It wasn't Ish that was on my mind. It was what he said. 'You KNEW I would do this, and you just decided on it anyway.' I was really guilty, and so scared, 'What if I lost more friends..' I could help but thought of that.

Soon after, Pheo had pressed on me too much, I just blew it. And the next thing I know, he's just going with another member. I felt as if I was replaced. Then after some time, I noticed how two of my close friends weren't going on. I felt so depressed even more. But, gladly, Mr. IL&MC just cheered me up, and I have to thank him for that!

Soon enough, I cleared up my business with Pheo. Okay, we weren't as close, but hell with it. Then, one day, Mr. IL&MC tells me something.. I really hoped didn't come.. ^^;; And in the end, he has to go as well. When I went on DOMO to add a friend, Pheo tells me that Renn is leaving the guild. Gosh, I feel so horrible!

But, I couldn't say a word. I wanted to tell them what I felt about it.. but I couldn't.. Because I don't want to drag them down.. ^^;; Maybe, what Ish said really got to me.. His words made me feel as if I was the selfish one.. but.. what was I do to?

KaoCHO's Series of Confessions (02)

x___x I had this feeling before.. you know.. :P With Roxas and all.. Hahaha.

Well, usually, my confessions are related to stuff like.. problems and all. x__x Well, for me now, it's a problem. XD;; I'm suffering heart ache! *audience gasps*

....no.. seriously.. ^^;;

x__x The Roxas thing was years ago, and I don't know WHY I even liked him. But here I am, having the same feelings.. 'It's just a crush!' I told people. GAH, but do crushes hurt THIS bad? ^^;; Maybe the big ones do..

Here I am, sitting down, trying not to think about it, but I don't know. 'Is this just a crush?' I keep asking myself. I've unknowingly told my tuition mates (Padi & Chris) that I like people born in the year of the Dogs and Horse, and commenting on how egotistic Horses are.

Then one day, when I told Padi when we were watching Arashi on my PSP (x__x Wanna be distracted here), 'Oh actually, when I was writing the list, I was thinking of Arashi members, and a friend of mine!' And she was like, 'Oh, do you LIKE him?' BAM! I started stuttering like crazy, 'W-What? Noooo What? EH? No! What makes you think that!!' And I didn't notice how much I was blushing. Padi then KNEW I DID like him. '...damn it..' That was what I was thinking.

When we were sitting in school, studying for the Chemistry Practicals, she asked me a few questions, like.. how he was like. "Proud, egotistic, full of himself... but nice, friendly and honest," and I just grinned at her. She stared at me. "Egotistic.. Are you talking about the guy born in the year of the Horse? Oh my god, you ARE!" '...ah....' was what I said.. and then I ran to the back, blushing madly. x___x

GAH when I think of it, I blush a lot at that topic. ;-; And I end up having my heart beat rapidly. x___x One of the weird-ism behind this as well, I get overly excited when he's going on and all. 'Yaaaaay!' and all. XD;; But when he's not on, I'm usually, 'Hmm, okay.' Normal. But when he IS, its like I'm all, 'Hahahaha *laughs* Yeaaaayyyy!! *huggles*' to random people, it scares me. o_e

^^;; Overall, my depressions are on when I don't talk to him much, but I'll smile when I think about it. x___x;; There's more stuff.. but I'm just going to sit back and think about it.

But, one question though,

Is this just a crush? Or can it lead to 'love'?

^^;; Just a question.. Because, for me.. I honestly don't know!

NOTE:

:P No, this is not really the problem. ^^;;