Monday, May 19, 2008

KaoCHO's Wonders on Life (02)

"One day I saw you hit the ground
I could not find a word to say to you.."

Have you ever felt the disappointment in yourself, when you find that you are unable to say anything, or comfort your friend whenever she or he feels down? I find it odd, you can say a word that may break someone's heart, but you can only say a thousand words that may heal a heart. I honestly find it unfair.

It sometimes makes me think, 'Ahh.. I feel so useless here...' and I end up feeling worse, and start being really useless + negative thoughts. x___x;; but what can I expect?

Whenever I feel horrible, I try not to show it, but it does anyway. x__x;; I don't like the feeling of someone being concerned about me.. x__x;; I just feel like a bother, and all. But the feeling of knowing someone is concerned about me, makes me happy. XD;; 'My existence matters!' I was thinking.

"I know you hide the scar on your back
So you don't need to do that no more.."

Some people, as they hide their anxiety and feelings under a mask, they think what they feel shouldn't bother the rest. Well, for me, when I know about it, all I can say to them is, 'It's all right. Just take that mask off when I'm here.' x___x;; When I do, they tell me stuff, which I accept, but I cannot think of what to say to comfort the person. So I tell them my logic, and what I think.

:P I know, this just totally contradict what I do. x___x;; I guess I'm the type to advise, and talk, but never follow my own advice. I wonder if it means I never gave it a thought..

I recall having to say to Fee, 'oh, he's definitely crushing on you,' and when she talks about that guy a lot, I'd say, 'oh, you like him too!' XD;; Well, this makes me think of what I felt. Having to feel awful about stuff, when people have to ask me, 'do you like him?' and I'd feel as if my heart just got pained and realized something. I'd feel panicked, but try to keep calm. 'No! No.. I don't like him.. I think I don't.. maybe..' and then I think.. 'Maybe.. I do...' Then later on, it'll be like, 'Aaaaahh.. what should I doooo?' x___x;; I may be able to tell when one likes another, but I can't tell if I like that person or not.

(Lyrics in italic are from ロストワールド by Ellegarden)

Music: ロストワールド (By Ellegarden)
Dorama: None (Wanting to watch HYD The Final!)
Games: DOMO (is on!)
MSN: Online/Busy

Time: 20th May 2008, 3.11PM

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