I CONFESS ♥♥♥ not to Hikaru. LOL.

Well,

this somehow.. ended oddly.

I had a burst of mixed emotions just a few days ago, ne~

But now I feel fine. o_o

My mom had been asking me about this, and well, I told her that I'd have a dinner with my parents on the 28th instead. I never answered her whenever she asked me if I'll be having a dinner with my friends or not. Well.. in fact, I'm avoiding that question. So my plan for when the 27th comes, if my mom asks me, 'Aren't your friends coming?' I'd definitely answer, 'Already here.' If she asks me where they are. I'll just point at myself. 'Here.' XD WOW, I am so going to get whacked for that~ Rather than lying, I'll keep quiet, ne~ ♥

I'll upload my project by tomorrow night, and post it on my main blog (which is not here!)

But I plan to upload my fave song for a birthday overall! 'Happy Birthday to Me' by Bulldog Mansion! It's been a while.. uhmm maybe two years since I've heard it~ I heard it the first time when I was watching 'There she is, Step 2: Doki and Nabi' at SamBakza.net! I liked it ever since. I think I last watched it when I was in what.. form 2 or 3. That's about 2-3 years ago, ne~ ♥

I finally finished downloading Granado Espada! And I can't wait to play it! (after the 27th) Though, I feel the need to clean up my room! So I'll do both after my birthday ne~ ♥

I also need to start studying as well, and brush up on my Japanese, and also read a few things. I need to pack up my manga and sell them ASAP! And to be honest, when I saw HSJ's statistics, it just made me WANT to slim down! D: 

I have a lot of things I want to do, ne~ ♥ I have about 14-16 one-shots I need to write (and which I kinda promised my friends), but I have about 4-5 original stories to write! But I think I might just focus on 'Promise' and 'Game of Love' first, ne~ ♥

AGH! I need to watch my dorama CDs as well! Yabai yo~ Oh and.. HIGH-JUMP Project started, so I have to plan in advance when the projects are dued. So many things I want to do~ ♥ Though, all of them seem to have no connections to going out. I'm a homely sad person, ne.

*cough* Actually, I'm sort of sick myself. XD;; But oh well~

Actually, the only people I talk to are my parents, ne~ ♥ But talking about online, I'd always seem to be replying my friends' comments on my main blog. :) It's fun talking to them. I feel that I can be open with them, though, I do have a few things which make me not open that much! I especially enjoy Fuji's comments~ ♥ She likes Chinen, y'know. But evidently, she likes to tease me with Hikaru! O_O;; Not that I mind it. I actually enjoy it~ ♥

Online.. online.. Well, I do notice that I talk less to Asshie, but it's Zushi who starts the convo on MSN. LET'S ALL KILL HIM NOW!

......

I'm joking! I'm joking! XD

D: HOW'S THAT FOR MOMENTARY KINDNESS, HUH?!

.....

Naw, I'm just being random, Zushi. XD

So back to the point, if Zushi is the only person that I talk to more often now, guess how little my communication with others is! I practically talk to my sister's cat! That's how sad and lonely I am, ne~ ♥

But I'll be honest, when I look at my sister's cat, I seem to think, "If Hikaru was here, he'd run away, ne~" And I'd laugh a bit... before realising that I was thinking about that again. :|

I heard from my parents that my sister is coming back for Christmas Break! That makes me think, for Christmas this year, I'll be spending it alone, ne~ ♥ Since my next project is dued on that date! I'm thinking of buying that small miniature Christmas Tree sold in the department store! But I think my parents would disapprove, so I plan to buy it in secret! I actually have a few things I want to buy~

Like clothes, jacket, shoes, socks, hats, shirts, a mat, the small mini Christmas Tree, nail polish?! DX Lol~ ♥ a better hair straighter! Yeah~ I'm looking into saving up to buy all that, and a few more things, like ext HD, new mobile, games. I planned to buy a camcorder, but I think I'll buy that after my A levels~

I plan to change my result for that colour test! I want to finish all my work! I want to charge ahead! And go 'wheeeeeee~' Ahahahahaha!~ ♥

I do notice that I feel more distant with my friends, ne~ Like Nacchan, Ian, Kuroru, Asshie, and all. And I can never seem to smile or laugh normally as if nothing's wrong. Nacchan would be busy by the 29th, and Ian and Kuroru will be with Chew, ne~ ♥ Asshie will be with Kendou with Dindin~ Zushi, you can just go ahead and play with your games and cats!

Rather, now I feel that I can laugh normally and smile when I'm online. I'd be looking into Cake Wrecks, Failblog.org, or something. Albinoblacksheep.com, JE boys being silly! And I do feel that I'd want to laugh everytime I get myself hurt, or something silly happens to me (like how my hat seems to fall off a lot during Graduation! :| More than 6 times.)

I feel extremely happy when I see my friends replying or commenting on my main blog, whether its normal life stuff, or my fanfics, but I definitely like to see my friends commenting on my fanfics! I feel satisfied with my work, and it builds up my confidence! But comparing that to this, I don't seem to build up my confidence here in real life, or with my friends (no offense, but you all seem to have something better than me that it makes me feel that I'm nothing. XD And the fact that no one seems to comment on my fanfics or stories here, it doesn't build up my confidence. SURE, you guys might have read it, but I won't know if you liked it or not. So sorry. I guess that's why I kinda prefer my blog friends rather than my real life friends. :|)

I guess that I do seem like I'm trying to get attention, but what I'm looking for is people to compliment and realise my efforts in doing things I like, so that I know that there's one thing I'm better at than you guys, or something that people can recognise me for! I feel fine whenever people tell me it's okay to talk or fangirl about JE guys, but I don't feel fine when people doesn't seem to be interested. So whenever people would just call me a fangirl, I do get angry, not because it's true, but it's because people just see me as THAT, but they don't know that I'm actually idolising JE guys, not because of their looks, or songs. But I feel that, if I was given a 2nd chance in life, I know what I'd want to do! I'd want to do things that the JE guys do. Live a hard time is fine for me. But it's like living in an adventure! You go to dance practice everyday, trying to balance that with your personal life. You get to sing, and dance, as it's your work! Dorama parts you have to act out. Being the hosts of your own radio show, or talk show. Have concerts and be hyped up! Have photoshoots! I do know that maybe I don't seem to like it, but I actually do. But because of my low self-esteem, I can never do it. XD;;

And please, Prasadi, don't even give me sarcastic comments. :| I don't want to know what you're thinking. Apparently, my low self-esteem also partly comes from not only my family and friends, but I do feel that being in the class makes me have less confidence. We have Hamizah who gets all the attention, not that I mind, but I do idolise her for that! But what makes me have less confidence is when people don't want to be with me, or be my seatmate. When people find me annoying, fiiiine, okay whatever. But Jevon's comments of me being 'Emo' or 'YOURE FAT' comments, not only do they hurt my feelings, but they damage my confidence, BECAUSE it only makes me hate myself more. People not inviting me out either makes me feel, "Oh no one likes me.." doesn't seem to make it any better.

I'm not blaming anyone, but I do feel the need to explain why I'm acting how I am.

I deny any truth because I don't want people to know.

I deny any feelings because I do feel that I might annoy people.

I sort of refuse to share my problems with people because I know that no one can really help me with this, and when they do try to advise me or something, I'm not stubborn to go with it, or simply the advice I find isn't really helpful.

I insult people because I want them to think that I don't like them and that I don't have any care for them (regardless what, I do care XD No matter if it means insulting Zushi or Amin, or Jem, or Jevs, or whatever)

Whenever people have problems, I try to take that in mind, and whenever I give an advice, I do feel that it's not much of a help and occasionally I feel embarrassed when I don't give a good one, or none at all. "Friends are there to listen," yes I understand that statement, but as a friend, I worry, and I do want to help, despite.. having to read that I'm a bit too nosy. XD;;

And I'll be truthful, whenever people come to me for help, this is what I feel,

1) Most of the time, I feel touched that they came to me as a friend.

2) Worried.

3) The feel to help.

But I do have the feeling of not wanting to help since it has gotten somehow overbearing for me. I can't think straight when my mind is being troubled by my friends' problems and my own. So recently, I do feel the need to go away before anyone says anything to me. XD And yes, I'm being selfish now because I want to solve my own problems without anyone's help since I don't want their help, and I don't people to be bothered by it or by me.

Yay~ I'm confessing now~ ♥

And yes, I do like Hikaru a lot. :| Why do you think I started the Hikaru-thon? HAHAHAHA. LOL.

HiKaoru ♥ = YES?

Let me having something dreamy in life once in a while, okay? ♥

Wow, making Hikaru ICONS are such a hard task. DX Especially when you look at his pictures and it gets your heart go 'DOKI DOKI' a lot.

♥ FYI, if you DO know my main blog, you'll be sad to know that all the public entries are all fanfics, no? Since my personal-life related entries are on private (only viewable by my custom group friend who can access it) so either way, it'd mean,

1) you'd need an account

2) you'd need to be a friend

3) you'd need to request for access (so I can put you to the group, so either way I'd know if it's you, no? ♥)

5 dreams Hikaru had about JUMP that was disturbing (Hikaru-thon)

Title: 25. 5 dreams Hikaru had about JUMP that was disturbing

Pairing: Member-ai!

Rating: G

Warnings: OOC JUMP members + Horrible Writing

Notes: Well, I looked through Hikaru-thon and HSJ-thon, and after losing half of my work in one of my prompts, I seriously don't want to re-type it. So I decided to write a different prompt for now. I did this to get back my mood for writing fanfics, so it's not so good since it was a rush-job. XD;; Sorry, I'll do better next time! For Hikaru-thon, here. I will not give the link to the original post, or the Hikaru-thon here.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot. I wished I own Hikaru though. *crushed dreams*

1. When Yabu-mama and Hikaru-papa was becoming too much 

Hikaru stared at the door in front of him. Everything around him was too bright, but it didn't bother him much. He placed his hand on the door-knob and turned it open, before pushing the door open.

"I'm home!" He cried out before walking in, though only to be greeted by Chinen going up to him.

"Welcome back!" Chinen flashed the older boy a grin. "Look, look! I got an A for my health project after you helped me!"

"Wow, that's good!" Hikaru returned back the grin, before the younger boy skipped away with his report in hand.

"Ittai! Ittai! Ittai!" Hikaru walked towards the living room to find Ryutaro hugging Daiki tight from the back, before the both of them turn their heads to Hikaru.

"Welcome home!" They both greeted. Hikaru nodded to them before turning his head to find Yamada and Yuuto in the corner playing games. Hikaru smiled to himself, before noticing Keito by the table, doing his homework. He was about to call out for Keito when he heard a familiar voice calling out for him.

"I want you to meet my girlfriend," Takaki stated out as he placed his hand on Hikaru's shoulder, causing the younger boy to turn back to face Takaki, and Inoo beside him.

"Inoo?!" Hikaru cried out.

"Eh?! You met Inoo-chan before?!" Takaki cried out in surprise.

"W-Wait! What? Inoo's your girlfriend?" Hikaru looked back and forth at both of the two members.

"Dad, are you okay?" Chinen asked as he tugged Hikaru's sleeve.

"D-Dad?" Hikaru stared at Chinen with wide eyes. He looked around to find everyone looking at him with a concerned look.

"Honey! You're back! Inoo-chan helped me to bake some cookies," Yabu exclaimed as he walked towards Hikaru from the kitchen, whilst dressed up with an apron.

"H-Honey?!"

"What's wrong, honey? Did something happen at work?" Yabu stopped in his tracks, and stared at Hikaru.

"Work?" Hikaru looked down at himself to find that he was in a business-man suit, with a briefcase in his left hand.

"UWAAAAAAAH!!" Hikaru woke up from his dream, all covered in sweat. He looked down at his clothes, before letting out a sigh of relief. "T-That.. was..." Hikaru shrugged it off before getting out of bed, even if he had to wait for a few hours. But he was too scared to go to sleep in case that dream might arise.

2. Playing tag in a field of flowers only appear in movies and dreams

Hikaru peeked his head out from his hiding spot, and soon his eyes spotted something running.

"I see you!" Hikaru yelled out as he stood up from his hiding spot.. behind a rock, while pointing at the two small figures in the middle of the field. Chinen and Ryutaro looked at the older member with a surprised look.

Hikaru ran towards them with a grin, before Chinen and Ryutaro started running as well.

"I'm going to catch you both!" Hikaru cried out, while the two younger member simply laughed, and shouting out, "You can try!"

Soon enough, everything seemed slow for Hikaru, especially when he pounced at both of the younger boys, and tickling their sides.

"I got you both!" Hikaru stated, while continuing to tickle them, while both Chinen and Ryutaro asked, and pleaded him to stop tickling them.

Hikaru's eyelids flutter up open as he stared at the ceiling.

"Did.. I just have a dream.. about playing tag with Chinen and Ryutaro.. in a huge field of flowers?.." Hikaru asked himself, worrying about his sexuality, and let alone the chances of him being a pedophile.

3. Somethings just happen... in dreams

Everyone seemed to be clapping, and so was Hikaru.

Hikaru looked the JUMP members, and Johnnys around him. Everyone seemed to be dressed up in a formal outfit, and so was he. Everyone seemed happy, and he felt happy as well. Yet, there was a nagging feeling at the back of his head which he couldn't define, but he didn't want to bother himself.

Everything there was so perfect, the decorations, the atmosphere, the weather, well, in fact, Hikaru was more absorbed in the place rather than the wedding.

"Here they come!" Hikaru could hear Takaki beside him said out. Hikaru looked front, and emerging from the crowd was Keito all dressed up nicely, and.. Inoo in a wedding dress?!

Hikaru stopped, and stared at the newly-wed couple, before choking on his own breath.

"Keito... and Inoo... MARRIED?!"

Hikaru stared at the two members who were holding hands, and waving at others.

"EEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH????????!!!!!!"

Hikaru quickly sat up, after waking up from his dream, choking from a long fit of coughs.

4. When Hey! Say! JUMP becomes Hello! Project 

Hikaru dragged his feet towards his dressing room. Everything in his mind was blurred, so he couldn't concentrate on his surroundings.

Once he reached his dressing room, his mind was clearer and soon he stared at everyone in the room.

"Hikari-chan! Morning!" Chinen cried out from the couch, with Yamada and Nakajima beside him her.

Hikaru's eyes widened, as he looked at EVERYONE in the room. Yamada Ryoko was helping Nakajima Yuuko to tie Chinen Yuuri's hair, while the three of them were sitting on the couch. At another couch, he found Takaki Yuuka reading a magazine, while Yabu Kotari was beside him her, reading from the same magazine, and having a discussion amongst the two. At the table, he could see Arioka Dai helping Morimoto Riuna with his her homework. Inoo Kei was helping Okamoto Keiko with his her work too.

Hikaru Hikari's face cringe. "If JUMP are girls.. then.." His eyes travelled down to his body. His manly features are now gone, and all that's there, is a nice hour-glass body shape. Soon enough, he she let out a scream in his her newly feminine voice.

"AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Hikaru shouted once he woke up, sitting up from his sleep. He looked down, and quickly felt all own body, and chest, before letting out a sigh of relief.

"My muscles are still here.." He stated, while poking his own muscles, in a wearily tone.

5. Some dreams are just a mixture of other dreams 

Hikaru tapped on the button, as he watched his character on the screen attacked the other character controlled by his opponent.

Soon enough, the words, 'HIKARU WINS' flashed on the screen, which automatically stimulated Hikaru to throw his arms in the air.

"YES, I WIN!" He cried out.

"Of course. You SHOULD win. After all, you're playing by yourself," Yabu stated from the couch, while reading a magazine.

"Shut up," Hikaru muttered, while pouting. "Why don't you play with me?" Hikaru dragged himself up, and placed his chin on the couch's arm, while sitting on the ground, staring at Yabu.

"You keep playing the same level. It's not much of a fun, is it?" Yabu replied, raising an eyebrow. Hikaru narrowed his eyes at Yabu, before looking around. JUMP was acting normally, well.. that is, until he saw Inoo telling a naptime story to Chinen, who was pretending to sleep. Hikaru's head perked up, when the door open, and Chinen crying out, 'Welcome home, dad!' Hikaru raised his eyebrow. "Isn't that supposed to be me?" Hikaru asked himself in his mind.

"Welcome home, honey," Inoo greeted at the figure who had just arrived home.

"..Don't tell me.. it's.." Hikaru's eyes widened in surprise.

"I'm home," Keito answered back as he stepped into the living room.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Hikaru screamed in the dream, and in reality. Though, in reality, he jumped up from his bed, and started hitting his head with his pillow, cursing how much he hated his dreams.

Note:

XD I had a great fun writing this, and I got more comments than usual about this! Though, after a long hiatus from writing these kind of prompts, my skills are kinda rusty. So this is like my rusty work! Uhmmm.. let me explain a few things about these.

'Yabu-Mama & Hikaru-Papa', is kinda like a joke, since both of their mothers once said to each other, "Doesn't Yabu and Hikaru seem like a married couple?" and well, Yabu and Hikaru (With no help from Takaki or Inoo) are the ones who usually takes care of the younger members. So therefore, they're kinda like the Mama&Papa of HSJ! And I do recall Yabu calling Hikaru, 'Honey' before on Shounen Club when they were still in Ya-Ya-yah!

'Inoo and Keito' joke, uhmm.. well... my OTP (One True Pairing) is sort of Hikato (HikaruxKeito), but you get to see more of Hikanoo (HikaruxInoo) in real life (Thooough, it's all one-sided on Inoo's part XD LOL) So mainly my fan fics are usually the mixture of Hikanoo and Hikato, but usually when one thing is in your mind, you get dreams about that right? So in Hikaru's case, he's been thinking too much about both Keito and Inoo, that he had a dream about that. This is kinda like a crack (joke) pairing. I never had seen Inoo talked to any of the younger members, except for Ryutaro. He doesn't really talk to Daiki either, ne~

Changing the member's names to girl's names was hard, especially for Ryutaro, but it's fine. I didn't change for Chinen and Inoo because their names are already for girls originally! ('Yuri' can be written in different ways, one as a boy, and one as a girl. Chinen's one was written in girl's form though.) Don't you think their name suits their image? ^^

Hello! Project is like Johnnys, but the female equivalent. Uhmm.. but I don't know about the dancing part.

I'll be honest, but these kind of dreams are normal to me. XD LOL. Hahaha~ WOW this sucks. D: N-No LJ cut. T_T Sad.

Hey! Say! JUMP Members Measurements

From the Eldest to the Youngest:

Name - Beginning of year height (cm) _ End of year height (cm) _ The difference

Yabu Kota - 176cm _ 178cm _ +2cm

Takaki Yuya - 175cm _ 173cm _ -2cm

Inoo Kei - 170cm _ 171cm _ +1cm

Yaotome Hikaru - 171cm _ 172cm _ +1cm

Arioka Daiki - 164cm _ 164cm _ 0cm

Okamoto Keito - ???cm _ 173cm _ ???? (The translator didn't take down his old measurements)

Yamada Ryosuke - 156cm _ 162cm _+6cm

Nakajima Yuuto - 164cm _ 174cm _ +10cm

Chinen Yuri - 147cm _ 153cm _ +6cm

Morimoto Ryutaro - 155cm _ 160cm _ +5cm

Their Weight

Yabu Kota - about 116 lbs

Takaki Yuya - about 121 lbs

Inoo Kei - about 108 lbs

Yaotome Hikaru - about 114 lbs

Arioka Daiki - about 105 lbs

Okamoto Keito - about 123 lbs

Yamada Ryosuke - about 106 lbs

Nakajima Yuuto - about 110 lbs

Chinen Yuri - about 92 lbs

Morimoto Ryutaro - about 110 lbs

WOW CHINEN?! O_O

Hahahaha! Takaki actually shrank! XD Daiki didn't grow at all. Ryutaro's taller than me now?! YUUTO GREW 10 CM A YEAR?! D: YABU! STOP GROWING. T_T

Wow... Wow.. Yabu's the tallest, then it's Yuuto. Keito's taller than Hikaru?! NOOOOO~ My Hikato is gooooone~~ Well.. at least Inoo's shorter than Hikaru~ HIKANOO! 

Does anyone realise that Inoo's and Chinen's names, 'Kei' and 'Yuri' are actually girls' names? ^^ Kinda suits their appearance, no?